Encouraging Environment

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs,

that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ephesians 4:29

I spent some time on a public Jr. High school campus this week. The words that were being spoken were far from encouraging. It was rough. It felt as though the kids were striving for every word out of their mouth to be a “burn” on someone else. I see this in many social gatherings, including kids of all ages and adults. These discouraging words are justified by “JK” or “just teasing”. Words being spoken are not only “not encouraging” but “discouraging.” They are not meant to build up but to break down. With a world full of discouragement and a culture where speaking encouraging words is just plain weird, we need to be extra diligent to create an opposing culture in our homes. I desire a culture in my home where encouragement is the norm and it is not acceptable to speak words that are meant to break down

Here are some small practical steps that we can take in our families to create an encouraging environment:

• Model – I know, I know-this is the first step in nearly everything we’re talking about when we look at Family Discipleship. But, here we go again—kids will do what they see us do, not what they hear us say to do!! Speak encouragement to your spouse, friends, parents, and the children in your life.  (See my post “You are Beautiful” or “God loves You” for more ideas)
• Practice – Speaking encouraging words doesn’t come naturally to most kids. Take time to practice. My favorite practice places are in the car, on a walk or at the kitchen table. What are yours? You can focus on one person (this is especially appropriate on a special day-birthday, graduation, etc.) and have each family member take turns speaking encouraging words to an individual. Or you can each pick a person to say something encouraging to—draw names, pick the person on your right, etc.
• Challenge- After kids have seen encouragement in action and practiced in the safety of their own family they are ready for a challenge. Challenge your kids to build others up around them out in their world. Pick a person (like a friend or a teacher).  Pick a method (like spoken word or a note). Pick a deadline (like by the end of the week or day). On the deadline come back together to report to your family how it went and decide what the next challenge will be.

These steps will develop lifelong habits of building others up. This is a step of discipleship as we grow more like Jesus. Jesus was the ultimate example of one who never “let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Ephesians 4:29

Please share some ideas of how you have or plan to put this into practice in your family.

Making Space for Young People to Serve in Your Church

People feel connected and at home in a church body when they find a job and a friend. If this is true for adults, it is true for children. To help kids and youth feel a sense of belonging at their church, we must create opportunities for them to find a job and a friend. Today we’re going to look at the small step of making space for the kids and youth of your church to serve in their church. Many experts proclaim that high school students who have a place of service in their local church are much more likely to continue their connection with the church and with Christ after high school graduation. The likelihood is even greater when the students serve alongside of their family.

So, as a church leader, what are some ways that you can create space for kids and youth to find a job?

Here are some steps that we have taken:

1.)    Worship ministry: Our worship pastor has done a great job of calling out young musicians to lead and train them to grow in their skill and confidence. We have high school musicians who play alongside adults in the main services and who lead their own band during youth events for high school and junior high events. Children are given opportunities during special events to serve on the worship team. There are also opportunities to serve in the area of sound and media.

2.)    Greeting and Ushering: Youth serve alongside adults as greeters and ushers.

3.)    Special Events: Youth and kids are invited to serve in a variety of ways in special events; set up, tear down, greeting, decorating, etc.

4.)    Serving Communion: Youth are invited to serve communion alongside adults.

5.)    KIDS ministry: This is the area where I have the most to say just because this is the ministry I lead—not cuz it’s more important than others. We have made creating a place for kids and youth to serve a priority and one of our purposes in our children’s ministry. Those as young as 6 years old can find a job in one of our classrooms. We include our young volunteers as part of our team in all ways; they are invited to prayer time, have a name badge, complete an application, and are included in all forms of appreciation, encouragement, and equipping. I currently have several young adults who have recently graduated from high school continuing to serve as they began with KIDS ministry when they were younger and continue to have a sense of belonging. This priority is often misunderstood by others. As nearly half of our team is under 20, I have a conversation about once a month with either a parent or an adult volunteer expressing frustration with the young helpers. When I am able to share the bigger vision of this role being a part of their lifelong discipleship and an action that will support them in their faith as they continue to grow in their relationship with Jesus nearly all of those concerned embrace the vision and become a part of the solution.

I have included our policies giving some guidelines for our young leaders to ensure safety for all. For safety’s sake, a leader under 10^th grade would always serve alongside an adult and are not invited to serve with children under 2.

• Junior Leader (Grades 1-5)
  • Parent must also serve in RK K.I.D.S.
  • Must have a consent form signed by parent and K.I.D.S. pastor
  • May serve with Toddlers through Kindergarten. The children they serve must be at least 4 years younger than the youth leader.
  • May sit on the floor and play with the children, may not pick up or hold children
  • May not help in bathroom trips or diapering.
• Youth Leader (Grades 6-9)
  • May serve without a parent
  • Must have a consent form signed by parent and youth pastor
  • May serve with children, toddlers and older. The children they serve must be at least 4 years younger than the youth leader.
  • May sit on the floor and play with the children, but may not pick up or hold children.
  • May not help in bathroom trips or diapering

Please share some ideas that you have to take this small step of making space for young people to serve in your church.

Creating a Sense of Belonging

To create a sense of belonging at your church for your children, you can help them find their purpose and build friendships. Simply said—we can help our kids find a job and a friend! Today we are going to focus on finding a job. I will write later on how we can cultivate friendships for our kids at church. Many experts will say that the secret to helping kids “stick” to their church and their faith after high school is the act of serving in the local church as youth. The likelihood of “sticking” increases even more if the youth are serving with their families in the local church.

The small step that we are going to look at today is helping your child find a job at your church….supporting their service and serving alongside.

The first step in encouraging your children to find a spot to serve is to model it in your own life. Our kids will do what they see us do before they do what they hear us say to do. (Say that ten times fast—I double dog dare you)

The next step is finding the right spot. When we are serving in a role that fits us, our spiritual gifting, our passion, our personality, and our abilities we will be so much happier, more fulfilled, more successful, and will be able to serve with longevity. The opposite is also true. If we are serving in a role that is just not the right fit this will lead to unhappiness, frustration, exhaustion, discouragement, and ultimately quitting. Some tools that will help your family determine passion and spiritual gifting can be found at www.risenking.org under the resource tab. A conversation with your family and pastor about how God has made you will help to determine what type of jobs would be a good fit.

The final step is finding out what opportunities are available at your church that will fit how God has made you. You can find these opportunities by talking with the leaders at your church or watching for opportunities as they are communicated. If you are at Risen King, we have opportunities for young people and families to serve in many areas: Worship, Greeting and Ushering, Serving Communion, Hospitality, Special Events, or KIDS ministry are some great places to start.

Please take a moment to share a comment. What ways have you and your children served in the church? What was that experience like? How are you going to take this step on the Family Discipleship Path? Do you have any other ideas for creating a sense of belonging through finding a job?

You are Beautiful!

I have spoken to two friends this last week with 7 year old girls. They both came to me with the same story, “my daughter is making comments about being fat and ugly or expressing fears about becoming fat and ugly.” We are living in a day and age with media and society reaching our children and influencing them at younger and younger ages. It is so sad to see the damage that our model obsessed culture is having on our children of all ages. So, what do we do about it?

Obviously, when our children make comments we can oppose them with the truth. “You are beautiful” “You are smart” “You are special” However, what is going to make a difference in the long run  is to speak MORE truth into our kids than the lies that are being  poured over them on a daily basis. An encouraging word spoken on its own is worth more than an encouraging word that is spoken in reaction to a negative one. Don’t wait until your child speaks up to speak truth into them. Take the opportunity; take EVERY opportunity to speak the truth over your children to counterbalance the lies of the world. To combat negativity speak and pray encouraging words and scriptures over our children. We need to create habits and develop patterns of consistently pouring words of encouragement into our kids. What is going to help you put this into practice in real life? Set reminders in your phone, buy some nice stationary and place it in a spot where you will see it often to remember to right a note, print out the list of verses in the post titled “God Loves Me” and cut it up and slip one verse per day into their lunch. There are a few ideas…how are you going to put this into practice in your life?

When choosing our encouraging words, let’s speak to appearance  but not limiting to appearance. Speak to appearance, character, ability, personality, intelligence, uniqueness, and how you enjoy their company. Speak the truth of how God sees them.

Here are some truths found in Ephesians:

• You are a saint. (Ephesians 1:1)
• You are sealed with the Holy Spirit (1:13-14)
• You are seated with Christ (2:6)
• You are set apart to serve. (2:10)
• You are loved by God. (3:17-19)

I have posted a list of many more truths about how God loves us. See “God loves me”

Our small step that we can take today is to speak encouraging words to our children every chance we get. Write a note, post or send a message with Facebook, send a text, speak them privately and publicly. Please share some comments with your ideas of how you will speak or pray encouraging words and scriptures over your children. How will you create habits and establish patterns of encouragement in your home?

Meeting God in His Creation

Psalm 42 begins with a beautiful image of nature, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. ” And later verse 7 continues with this beautiful imagery with, “Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.” I enjoy heading out into nature by myself with my Bible and journal and set aside some time to just be with God. However, I rarely include my kids in this time, you know, cuz the point is to be “by myself.” Let’s introduce our kids to worshiping God and spending time with him in the beauty of our world.

Risen King Community Church, here in Redding, CA(1600 Oasis Rd. if you’re local) has an amazing Prayer Path. It’s beautiful this time of year. A little path set apart to spend time with God. This path has 10 stations marked out on it. There are several prayer guides at  kiosks at the beginning of the path with some direction for a focus for each station. I have written a few guides that are specifically for families. There are a few different ones for you to pick the one that works for your age group–if you have teenagers, use the adult guides.

If you don’t live in Redding or you can’t get to the prayer path for some reason, you can use the following prayer guide anywhere you would like. Maybe use an exercise path and each time you see an exercise station, stop to pray. You can make a game of your time and decide ahead of time when you are going to stop and make your own station using ‘things you see’ like every time we see a lizard or every time we see a yellow flower or every time we see a stump.

Our small step to guiding our kids to know and love Jesus this week is to use His beautiful creation to make space to spend time with God.  Please share some of your ideas in the comments. What have you done? What are you going to  do?

Here’s one of the prayer guides:

Prayer Path Guide for Families

P.R.A.Y.

PRAISE

 Station 1 -   Who do you want to thank Jesus for? (e.g., a friend, teacher, family member…)

 Station 2 -   What do you want to thank Jesus for? (e.g., your house, your car, your food, your possessions…)

 Station 3 -   Where do you want to thank Jesus for? (e.g., your favorite spots, waterfalls, the ocean, Disneyland…)

REPENT

Station 4 -   What do you need to tell Jesus you’re sorry for?

 Station 5 -   Who do you need to tell you’re sorry (besides Jesus)?

ASK

Station 6 -   What would you like to ask Jesus for?

 Station 7 -   Who would you like to ask Jesus to help?

 YIELD

 Station 8 -   What are you worried about that you would like to ask Jesus to help you with and give you peace about?

 Station 9 -   Who are you worried about that you would like to ask Jesus to take care of?

Station 10 – What is Jesus asking you to do?

God Loves Me

Here is a list of truths from Scripture about your identity in Christ.

These will be useful as you take small steps to guide your children to know

who they are and who they belong to.

***This list isn’t original with me but I’m not sure where it originated.

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1   

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2                                                                 

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3                                                                                                           

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31  

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27   

In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28  

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28                                                                                                                                                                  I

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5                                                                                     

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12                                                                                                                              

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16  

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 

I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13 

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6                                       

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me. John 8:41-44                                                                 

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16                                                                               

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1                                                                                                                         

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48                                                                                                                                                        

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17          

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33                                   

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11                                                                     

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3                                                                                                                 

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18  

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5                                       

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41                                                      

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29                     

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4                                                      

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13                                                                                                

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17  

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26                               

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3                                                                     

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31                                                                                           

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32 

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23      

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39                    

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7                                                    

I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15                                                                      

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13                                                                                                                                

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Integrating Families

The “Family Ministries” paradigm is popping up all over the place. There are books, conferences, movements, curriculum and blogs all talking about how we need to minister to kids and youth within the context of family. As I have reviewed these resources, I have noticed that those talking about “Family Ministries” mean very different things. I fear that what is happening is that we are reacting to one extreme by going to another extreme. Having all ages together all the time wasn’t working so we swung to having all ages separate all the time. As that isn’t working either, it looks like we may swing back to the extreme of having all ages together all the time again and call it “Family Ministries.” I propose that we can have our cake and eat it, too!! There is a purpose and a huge benefit to age appropriate programming. A two year old can encounter God….but it’s going to be in a different context than a 6 year old, 13 year old, or 19 year old. By creating environments on purpose for the various age groups to grow in their relationship with Jesus, we are meeting each person where they are and guiding them one step closer to Jesus. However, if kids and youth never worship alongside other age groups, we will be missing the mark. I believe it’s important to have both age segregated worship experiences and “family style” worship experiences.

In your church, which extreme are you leaning toward? Are your families in age appropriate services all the time and never worshipping alongside each other? I would like to encourage you to take a service that is already scheduled for the adults and tweak it just slightly to make it a family experience. We recently had a Good Friday service at Risen King Community Church. Here’s how we made this service into an opportunity to integrate families.

1.)    Shorten the service—an hour is the optimal length of a family friendly service.

2.)    Offer childcare for those under 5—this allows families the opportunity to guide their kids through the service rather than focused on squirmy little ones.

3.)    Variety in the service—children have a shorter attention span, so we created the service with variety of music, theatrical readings, communion and teaching.

4.)    Equip families—give families some education as to why it is important to participate in the service with your children and how to make the most of the opportunity through some preparation conversations before the service and a chance to debrief afterward. This equipping can happen through a take home sheet prepared for families, an email or Facebook message or with a little instruction or during the service.

Look at your church calendar to see what is coming up in the next few months that could become an opportunity to practice integrating families.  For us, we increase the integration the older the kids become. There are about 6 times per year that our elementary students join their families in a worship service. This increases for Jr. High students and then a bit more for High School students to avoid the whiplash that can occur after high school when young adults who have only experienced youth programs are suddenly expected to participate in and enjoy adult worship services.

If you lean toward the other extreme of integration all of the time…I encourage you to think about some ways to reach kids where they’re at in their development process. We’ll talk about that more in later posts.

What are some ways you have or are going to enable families to worship together?e